I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
