I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
