We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
