You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
