I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
