these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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