The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
