thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
