Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
