maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
