oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
