All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
