i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
