she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
