Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
