so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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