So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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