Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
