but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
