Got a toothbrush?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
