Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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