Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
