no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
