just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
