I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
