I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
