Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
