Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
