OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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