Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
