It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We don't watch enough power rangers
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
