I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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