Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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