Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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