the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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