I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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