I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
All I want is dick and wine.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
