She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
