Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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