you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
