I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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