fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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