Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
two words: eviction party
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
