i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
where are my eyebrows?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
