i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
