I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
