how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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