I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
