if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
