SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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