Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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