There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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