I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
