you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
