I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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