I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it's great music for shaving your balls
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
