Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
im six kinds of drunk right now
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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