can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
