Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize