my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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