so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I would ride that face into the sunset
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize