I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
