You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
