the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
